He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
