At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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