Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
