Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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