The brown eye won't let me do that either.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Randomize
