I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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