i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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