i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
