There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
