so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize