I cannot find my penis.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
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