I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
