I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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