youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize