I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
