so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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