I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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