I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
