Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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