he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
50% drunk capacity currently
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
