I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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