I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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