Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Randomize
