She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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