Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
