a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Still dying that you shit outside
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
