Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
