I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
