margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
It's Friday. Sex?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Dicks are not precious.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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