Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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