My sheets look like a crime scene.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
