the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
