she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
