R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
