if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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