Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
