I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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