im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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