Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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