I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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