i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Only a mothe r could love this liver
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
