every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I need to align my fucking chakras
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
