She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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