His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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