He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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