This is not my ceiling
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
