I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
