yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
