I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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