i just google imaged poop.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
