i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize