If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
