Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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