i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
