i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
