PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
