i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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