i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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