I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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