Is it normal to miss your booty call?
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
