He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
