i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
