don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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