I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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