do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
