Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
