And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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