Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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