just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
