And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
